JFK Business Solutions, Jokes Break Room

Visit this page when ever you need a little break...We'll keep this page full of humor and bits of inspiration.

1. <-------- The information went data way

2. The name is Baud...James Baud.

3. Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!

4. C:V> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

5. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)

6. Backups? We don't *NEED* no steenking backups.

7. .... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note.
A window was something you hated to clean,
And ram was the father of a goat.

Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights.
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment,
A program was a TV show.
A cursor used profanity,
A keyboard was a piano.

Memory was something that you lost with age,
A CD was a bank account.
And if you had a 3-in. floppy
You hoped nobody found out.

Compress was something you did to the garbage,
Not something you did to a file.
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while.

Log on was adding wood to the fire,
Hard drive was a long trip on the road,
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived,
And a backup happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a pocket knife,
Paste you did with glue.
A web was a spider's home,
And a virus was the flu.

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head.
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash,
But when it happens they wish they were dead.

You know you are living in the year 2004 when:

1. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is because they do not have Email.

2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

3. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

4. Every commercial on television has a web site address at the bottom of the screen.

5. You buy a computer and 3 months later it's out of date and sells for half the price you paid.

6. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it.

7. Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase would be a hassle and take planning.

8. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.

9. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.

10. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.

11. You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls.

12. You disconnect from the Internet and get this awful feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

13. You start tilting your head sideways to smile :)

14. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

15. You're using large font so all your friends can read it.

16. Even worse; you know exactly who you are going to forward this to.

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and noticed a slowdown in the overall performance,
particularly in the flower and jewelry applications that
had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other
valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and
Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs
such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. And now Conversation 8.0
no longer runs and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems,
but it's not available anymore.

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. At the command line, try entering C:ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME and download Tears 6.2
to install Guilt 3.0. If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, HappyHour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a
very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or
re-install another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9 .

Dear Consumers:

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 2000 TENNESSEE EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside of the STATE of TENNESSEE.

If you have one of these, you may need help understanding the commands. The TENNESSEE EDITION may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS 2000, with a background picture of Willie Nelson superimposed on a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Please also note:

   The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
   My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
   Dial Up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
   Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard"
Hard Drive is referred to as "4-Wheel Drive"
   Floppies are "Them little ol' plastic thangs"
   Instead of an error message, "Duct Tape" pops up

   CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN TENNESSEE EDITION:
   Cancel............stopdat
   Reset.............try'er agin
   Yes...............yep
   No................nope
   Find..............hunt fer it
   Go to.............over yonder
   Back..............back yonder
   Help..............hep me out here
   Stop..............kwitit (WHOA!)
   Start.............crank'er up
   Settings..........settins
   Programs......... stuff at duz stuff
   Documents....... .stuff ah done did

Also note that the TENNESSEE EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive to WINDERS 2000:

Tiperiter.....................a word processing program
Colerin' Book.................a graphics program
Cyferin' Mersheen.............calculator
Outhouse Paper................notepad
Inner-net.....................Microsoft explorer 5.0
Pitchers......................a graphics viewer

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused. If you received a copy of the TENNESSEE EDITION, you may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

I hope this helps all y'all!

Billy Bob Gates